Audiobooks Haunted: A Novel of Stories –

Haunted Is A Novel Made Up Of Stories Twenty Three Of The Most Horrifying, Hilarious, Mind Blowing, Stomach Churning Tales You Ll Ever EncounterThe Stories Are Told By People Who Have All Answered An Ad Headlined Artists Retreat Abandon Your Life For Three Months They Are Led To Believe That Here They Will Leave Behind All The Distractions Of Real Life That Are Keeping Them From Creating The Masterpiece That Is In Them But Here Turns Out To Be A Cavernous And Ornate Old Theater Where They Are Utterly Isolated From The Outside World And Where Heat And Power And, Most Importantly, Food Are In Increasingly Short Supply And The Desperate The Circumstances Become, The Desperate The Stories They Tell And The Devious Their Machinations To Make Themselves The Hero Of The Inevitable Play Movie Non Fiction Blockbuster That Will Certainly Be Made From Their Plight My goal was just to write some new form of horror story, something based on the ordinary world Without supernatural monsters or magic This would be a book you wouldn t want to keep next to your bed A book that would be a trapdoor down into some dark place A place only you could go, alone, when you opened the cover.Because only books have that power Chuck is right you don t want to keep this book by your bed You don t want to get up in the middle of the night and see is covet glowing at you Reminding you instantly of the horrors you read before bed, making your stomach churn This is a book you can t read while eating, or when your wanting to relax This isn t a book that will take you away from the real world This book is a bitch slap in the face reminder that some of these horrors that you will read happen in the world around you, and will make you nauseous and shift around in your seat from discomfort This book will make you glance up nervously, wondering if the others in the room with you can sense that your reading something so horrifically sick You will feel like you need to shower after reading some of these stories, that your brain needs deep cleaning But it won t help These stories are going to stick in your brain You re going to feel guilty for enjoying this book This sick, sick horrific book. I m only on p 75 of this thing and I m about to hurl it at the wall What is it supposed to beDoes this guy really think these lame parodies are funny This is from the section called Slumming , which is about rich people, a couple of whom are pretending to be poor Inky always said being absent is the new being present p 69 Poverty, Inky says, is the new wealth p71 Social divers, Inky says, are the new social climbers p71 Nobodies are the new celebrity p72 Public is the new private p 72 You get the picture how could you not it s the same joke repeated over and over again, a joke which Tom Wolfe was cracking in 1975 black is the new black, with variations So is this supposed to be amusing Because if so, it really isn t Is it supposed to be stupid Because if so, it really is Prior to this chapter you get a spoof all about television and advertising I find myself bleeding profusely from the extreme cutting edge qualities of this book every time I pick it up Not Ha ha ROTFLMAO Only in the world of Chuck, this would be ROTFLMPO that s right, Roll On The Floor Laughing My Penis Off Ha ha Why Because it s gross, and it isn t that funny Update the hurl has now been performed, and Chuck Palahnik s Hauntedsailed in a graceful arc then smashed against the wall, its guts spilled out and several rodents started gnawing themoh shut up. Apparently working in a vet clinic for the better part of 5 years is precisely the recipe required to inure one to the effects of Palahniuk s writing.You ll see tons of OMG SO GWOSS reviews here, but this ain t one of em I was entertained All the blood and guts and bodily fluids in the world don t really gross me out What really sickens me is people.And that s what Palahniuk does best he writes about the dark sides of people and how precious little it takes to make those sides surface I enjoyed turning the pages as each character tells his or her tale of how they had sunk so low Evenfascinating was how each character manages to keep upping the suffering ante when they perceive they ve not endured enough And don t take Palahniuk s pretentious tale of Saint Gut Free s story making people pass out at face value I even read it three times through trying to see how that could make someone s knees buckle because I didn t feel it Perhaps I truly did gain something from those years of shoveling shit from kennels and picking teeth out of the tub drain and plucking bits of unidentifiable flesh from surgery floors I gained the ability not be grossed out on a dare. This book is vile It is disgusting No matter how much you can take, you will squirm and say Oh My GOD out loud on the bus or plane or couch or wherever it is you read It is a nasty book But Haunted is so muchthan that and so worth reading Haunted is set in a drab old theater, past it s prime, boarded up, invisible, and impenetrable to the outside world Inside the theater are 23 characters 23 people with names like the Earl of Slander and Agent Tattletale Each character is introduced with a poem and a story Usually gruesome or grotesque, the stories eventually create the world each person inhabits, explain why they agreed to drop off the face of the earth for a while, and how they relate to the other characters in the book Narratives in between the character stories relate what s happening within the hotel How the characters are coping with no modern amenities or food, who has died and what the remaining characters will do to themselves and others to obtain fame and sympathy once they re rescued.While the stories in the book are as everyone has said sometimes depraved, they all aren t like that and the book ends on a beautifully optimistic note though not everyone is going to think that way Really, I can only think of two that made me want to stop reading, but I didn t I pushed through And I encourage anyone who is thinking of reading Haunted to do the same thing You might just love it to death.