Free ePUB Nightlight: A ParodyAuthor The Harvard Lampoon –

10 thoughts on “Nightlight: A Parody

  1. says:

    This was ABSOLUTELY hilarious This is what everyone was or should have been thinking while reading the Twilight books.There are conversations such as this Belle and her dad before Edwart picks her up So, Belle, what s new today Dad, I said, grasping his hands and looking directly into his eyes I m in the deepest love that has ever occurred in the history of the world Gosh, Belle When someone asks you, what s new the correct answer is, not much Besides, isn t it a little soon to cut yourself off from the rest of your peers, depending on your boyfriend to satisfy your social needs as opposed to making friends Imagine what would happen if something forced him to leave I m imagining pages and pages would happen with nothing but the names of the month written on them and I heard a knock on the door and breathed in sharply How thoughtful of Edwart to knock when he could just as easily break down the door I opened it expectantly.It was the mailman, grinning at me with that typical Switchblade smile Hi, he said Nice weather I shifted awkwardly I felt comfortable talking about a lot of things, but not the weather I didn t quite have the terminology down, having skipped the grade in which you learn about various atmospheric conditions Yeah the sun s on today, I guessed tentatively Well, you tell your dad I said hello It was then that I finally understood He was in love with me It was all there the doorbell ringing, the door stading, the showing off with his weather knowledge Were there no other girls in this town to diffuse the responsibility of being loved I read bits of this out loud to some friends as I was reading this, any time I found something funny, which would have me reading whole pages, and causing much hysterical laughter.

  2. says:

    Creative ResponseBelle is my nameI ve never wanted fameI m a little different, it s trueBut so are you Edwart you areInto your eyes I can see farYour eyes changed to greenBy me you can be seenYou re a vampire, I knowEven if it doesn t showYou may say you re notBut that s not what I thoughtUntil I met JoshWhose windows my dad does washIn the cemetery that dayHe gave it awayA vampire you re notAnd that means a lotComing from himMaybe it ll convince JimJim is my dadVampires make him madHe likes to sayThat they should stay awaySo now that I knowEdwart s no than a toeI love him than everAnd he gives me so much pleasure I may be abnormalBut the dress I wore was formalWhen I went to tell EdwartThat my love for him was not shortHe smiled at meAnd shouted with glee LEG CRAMP LEG CRAMP At least he didn t knock down a lampThen in a moment of distressHe put his arms around my neckAnd in the most gentle wayHe kissed me today

  3. says:

    Not quite as terrible as I first thought, but still pretty bad To give you some idea of what it s like, here s one of the passages I most enjoyed Belle Goose is talking to her father So, Belle, what s new today Dad, I said, grasping his hands and looking directly into his eyes I m in the deepest love that has ever occurred in the history of the world Gosh, Belle When someone asks you What s new the correct answer is Not much Besides, isn t it a little soon to cut yourself off from the rest of your peers, depending on a boyfriend to satisfy your social needs as opposed to making friends Imagine what would happen if something forced that boy to leave I m imagining pages and pages would happen with nothing but the names of the months on them If Edwart ever left, I d find some other monster to hang out with You know I have no social skills, I said I guess I m like my dad in that way I wasn t usually this emotional with him, and it felt good.Unfortunately, most of it isn t nearly as subtle and clever as that.

  4. says:

    Utter shite to put it bluntly I could write something funnier Here is an example of the side splitting humourShe had brown bushy hair in a ponytail that was like a squirrel tail in the context of her beady squirrel eyes.I thought I recognised her from somewhere, but I couldn t place it Hi she said I think I m in all your classes So that s why I recognised her She reminded me of a squirrel I hung out with in Phoenix Well har de har, excuse me while I piss myself with laughter This was dreadful drivel that should be used as bog roll If I could give it a minus star I d give it minus one million Pure cack.

  5. says:

    I wiped the chemical dust off my clothes and sat down Without looking at Edwart, I pulled out my textbook and notepad Then, without looking at Edwart, I looked at the board and wrote down the terms Mr Franklin had written I don t think other people in my situation could do quite so many things without looking at Edwart.When the bell rang I stole another glance at him and shrank into a deeper sense of worthlessness He was now staring furiously up at the bell, shaking all the muscles in his fist at it, glowering at it with his dark, heated eyes and loathing lashes He clenched his hair in exasperation, clinging to the tussled tufts as he raised his head to the ceiling Then he slowly turned to me Looking into his eyes I felt waves of electricity, currents of electrons charging towards me Was this how it felt to be in love, I wondered, for robots Caught in his ionized hypnosis, the old adage came to mind Beautiful enough to kill, gut, stuff, and frame above your fireplace.Belle Goose is a catastrophically clumsy, scarily narcissistic teenager who has just moved to Switchblade to live with her father, a window wiper, since her stepfather is going on tour with his street hockey team around Phoenix, and there may be no space for Belle to live in his car Belle has a fascination with vampires, she believes her true love is destined to be one When she spots the strange, lonely, barely coherent Edwart Mullen in her new high school s cafeteria, she knows she s found her soul mate Nightlight is funny, mostly From the cover to the last page, this book is one large fart joke aimed at Twilight, and you can t help but find it hilarious However, it gets a little old after a while This is not a very long book, but after the first fifty pages of taking digs at Meyer s masterpiece, it begins to get repetitive This is one of the main reasons I like satires better than spoofs At least satires have a plot and actual characters This is like a joke book after the first fifty jokes, you want a break There are some parts where the jokes are really funny, even subtle, and those made me laugh However, you can pretty much tell from the preponderance of snot and body odor jokes that this was written by a bunch of smart but nerdy undergrads Of course the end message, about judging by appearances, about building relationships on false illusions, about learning to love a person instead of an ideal, is one that every YA author ought to take home We looked at each other and laughed a little because, hey, relationships take work, and communication All in all, it s a quick entertaining read, but if you re expecting subtlety, class or major wit in your spoof, you re likely to be disappointed.

  6. says:

    I love how people try to justify their bad reviews for this book by continuously stating that they do not like Twilight and that they are in fact true lovers of a parody I really liked this book But anything that takes piss out of this universal tragedy is a win Some of the reviews here stated that the parody was too exaggerated, overly obvious etc but I found it to be delightfully subtle where minor details or single words effectively pinpoint the craptastic wonder of smeyer There were some negatives about the parody First was that my interest fluctuated throughout I would be engaged one minute and then unattached the next Second, it simply didn t hit hard enough It was too soft on the twihards and the rest of the population in forcing them to realise that the this supposed best novel of all times has the dead and living writhing in their graves However the major con was the reader s realisation that a parody should never be better written with a better plot and character development than its original Makes you lose hope for a little whileWill stop twi bashing now Here is a widget that perfectly shows off smeyers pointless drivel of descriptions I typed in a single word Vampre Google asked, Did you mean vampire I said, Yes.

  7. says:

    It s hardly ground breaking, but I m giving it four stars on the sheer enjoyment factor I m actually a fan of the Twilight books, but I get that Stephenie Meyer is no Shakespeare and this series is hardly world class literature Twilight s gotten so huge it was only a matter of time before someone sent it up, so I was eager to see what a bunch of nerds from Harvard did to it.Belle Goose is an exaggerated piss take of Bella She s self obsessed, and believes everyone else to be obsessed with her Hmm LThe lovely Edwart is a girl phobic, Sega hating computer nerd who Belle falls for I laughed out loud a lot during this book, but it felt as if it was a random collection of sentences lots of different people wrote Very confusing I was expecting of a Pride Prejudice Zombies type thing, of an expos on all of the cheesy moments that make up Twilight, but it doesn t matter since the whole thing is the most non serious thing I ve ever read Whether you like Twilight or believe Stephenie Meyer is the human form of Satan, Nightlight should bring you together through humour A must read.

  8. says:

    A little too slapstick for my tastes and some jokes didn t make much sense to me

  9. says:

    Okay, so let me start with the fact that, yes, as shocking as it may be, I have read Twilight So, after reading my review of this awesomely genius book, you can t use the excuse of, You haven t read it, you don t understand I have read it So, to all you Twilight fans, And possible Harry Potter haters I mean no disrespect in the following review Your opinion is your own, and you are entitled to it TWILIGHT IS A HORRIBLE SERIES OF BOOKS.Sorry I had to let it out So, now that you know my opinion of these books, you will understand my excitement when I discovered this book There I was, rifling through a pile of books at a second hand book sale, and I stumbled across this wonderfully cool book And let me tell you, it is wonderfully cool.Alright, confession time This isn t exactly my book Abigaile, my sister, is the one who found and bought this book So, my above statement is quite false One day, I successfully stole it from her bedroom and, when she asked about it, convinced her that she had simply misplaced it And, she believed me Which was pretty surprising.Nightlight was an excellent parody to a not so awesome book Belle Goose is actually really similar to the character Bella Swan Pretty much everything Belle says in the book is just what Bella says at that moment in different words It s completly hilarious to read and realize that this author is trying to make fun of this book when in reality he s just putting this book into different words, changing some plot details, and there you have it A friggen funny book.If you have read Twilight, watched the movies or know any thing at all about this sparkly phenomanon, you will most likely love this book Now, for you Twilight lovers out there, I honestly can t say If you are the laid back type of fan, it s a possibility that you will find this quite humorous If you are a hard core, Team Edward Team Jacob kill a member of team that isn t the one you like type of fan who is also easily offended there might be a possible chance that you might not like this book, maybe So if you are one of those fans and you read this book and you hate it, I, Austin, am not responsible for this So, you cannot do horribly awful things to me Because Twilight may have sparkly vampiers, shirtless werewolves, and creepy human vampier hybrids who age insanely fast, but us non Muggles have wands, man horses, cloaks that make you invisible, and Emma Watson.Edwart is right Nintendo is better then Atari.Austinhttp

  10. says:

    This was a Christmas gift from my brother He bought it for me because he couldn t remember which of those Twilight books you had already So sweet And it s a fitting gift from someone who only watches comedy and whose favorite TV show is SNL Nightlight is a parody you guessed it of the first book in the Twilight series It stars Belle Goose, who wants to be turned and convinces herself that Edwart Mullen is actually a vampire who is thirsting for her blood and refuses to believe him when he tells her that he s just a shy computer nerd storm chaser android builder Misunderstandings and ridiculously narcissistic, strangely observant dialogue ensue When Belle meets a real vampire, she must decide if the lifestyle is everything she s fantasized it to be Twi hards everywhere, take note Belle Goose is a representation of you Some of my favorite moments Belle, he said It s time to go Already It s been five hours We ve been lying on the grass staring at each other for five hours Please I really need to get home It seemed out of place, coming from a girl in a sleeveless, lacy top and bell bottom jeans stars on the back pockets But I was that kind of girl out of place Then I shifted from that place on the dashboard to a normal position in the seat Much better I typed in a single word Vampre Google asked, Did you mean vampire I said, yes So, Belle, what s new today Dad, I said, grasping his hands and looking directly into his eyes I m in the deepest love that has ever occurred in the history of the world Gosh, Belle When someone asks you, What s new the correct answer is, not much This book was at its best when it directly satirized Twilight the comedy got a little too Eggbert when it went on its own tangents Need less to say, it would probably be most entertaining to those who have already read Stephenie Meyer s series It was dorky and stupid and really great fun A quick, hilarious read Thank you again, S

About Three Things I Was Absolutely CertainFirst, Edwart Was Most Likely My Soul Mate, MaybeSecond, There Was A Vampire Part Of Him Which I Assumed Was Wildly Out Of His Control That Wanted Me DeadAnd Third, I Unconditionally, Irrevocably, Impenetrably, Heterogeneously, Gynecologically, And Disreputably Wished He Had Kissed MeAnd Thus Belle Goose Falls In Love With The Mysterious And Sparkly Edwart Mullen In The Harvard Lampoon S Hilarious Send Up Of Twilight Pale And Klutzy, Belle Arrives In Switchblade, Oregon Looking For Adventure, Or At Least An Undead Classmate She Soon Discovers Edwart, A Super Hot Computer Nerd With Zero Interest In Girls After Witnessing A Number Of Strange Events Edwart Leaves His Tater Tots Untouched At Lunch Edwart Saves Her From A Flying Snowball Belle Has A Dramatic Revelation Edwart Is A Vampire But How Can She Convince Edwart To Bite Her And Transform Her Into His Eternal Bride, Especially When He Seems To Find Girls So Repulsive Complete With Romance, Danger, Insufficient Parental Guardianship, Creepy Stalker Like Behavior, And A Vampire Prom, Nightlight Is The Uproarious Tale Of A Vampire Obsessed Girl, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places